It is autumn. All my life I have been attuned to the changing seasons. Living in the desert you have to look harder to see the change in seasons but I can feel it.
This year I am especially tuned in to the coming of autumn because the summer sucked.
My entire summer was consumed by the shadow of breast cancer. I danced with it, cried with it, embraced it and tried to will it away. It took me way out of my comfort zone and brought me to my knees on more than one occasion.
And yet I am grateful.
This has been a crash course in vulnerability, love, fear, gratitude and grace.
I can’t go back. I’m not the woman I was before.
I don’t want this journey with breast cancer to be without purpose. But I don’t yet know what the lesson is or how I am supposed to make a difference.
Autumn is a time to harvest the fruits of summer, reflect on our accomplishments and prepare for the winter.
This is what I have learned in my reflections of this summer:
- That I can be vulnerable and supported at the same time.
- That the outpouring of love from my friends, family and community is a better pain reliever than any medication.
- I remembered that I am important and my needs matter.
- That the world will continue to function even if I’m not participating.
- That I can find grace in the midst of uncertainty and gratitude in the midst of pain.