I looked down at what I had written on the flash paper. It was just one word.


A part of our winter solstice tradition is to write down something you want to release and burn it in the ceremony.

As I looked at the word I felt a wave of frustration wash over me.

I have been working on my fear for as long as I can remember.

I’ve burned it, buried it, thrown it in moving water, danced with it, yelled at it, drawn it and journaled about it.

I’ve talked about it, cried about it and bored countless friends with my tales of it. Numerous ceremonies have been constructed to overcome it.

I should be over it.

But there it was staring back at me.


The frustration was quickly followed by a sense of compassion. Even I could recognize how much I had been through this year. A momentary pity party broke out in my head but I reeled myself back in with a shake.

Fear has a place in our emotional palette. It can motivate and inspire us.

My dear friend and mentor, Lynda Bishop of Relationship Insurance always says that if some new opportunity scares her then it is a sure sign she should follow that path.

But I was more irritated with the fact that I felt I should have had this handled by now. When do I get to move on?

That’s right…I should have handled all my fear and moved on by now!

I am somewhat impatient with my own personal growth.

Right then something shifted in my energy. The sense of struggle fell away.

I felt a love for my fear.

We’re going to have a new relationship going forward….me and fear.

My practice is to integrate fear as one of the emotions that makes me the authentic woman I want to be. I can’t force it away and I can’t let it run my life but I can acknowledge it and use it as a power for good.


7 replies
  1. Lynda Bishop
    Lynda Bishop says:

    I so appreciate you, Melanie.
    Fear, for me, is a form of information – it gives me a jolt to get my attention – to let me know where I need to seek a greater understanding. It seems natural to fear what we don’t understand (if we don’t understand it, then we can’t tell it is a real threat or not). Fear often times, for me, is a calling to learn, to grow, to risk failure by stretching beyond my current view. We are all works in progress!

  2. Deb Miller
    Deb Miller says:

    Can I just say how beautiful and lovely you are? I just want to hug you and cheer you on. I never usually take the time to stop and read blogs but I find myself drawn to yours. You always write with such raw and powerful perspective.
    One of the things I talk about in my shows “fear factor for adults” is walking through fear and “the other side of fear” it’s part desensitizing and part welcoming it in, as you did.
    In all my shows I talk about fear as illusion, it’s not tangible, not “real” so I can get almost everyone to walk through what I am asking them to do, hold a tarantula on their head or eat an insect or allow snakes to slither on them, let a scorpion walk up their arm,, Etc. And I can help them by realizing it as resistance instead of fear.
    Fear sometimes seems so big, but resistance is a choice, I let it in “come on in fear”, “come in resistance” and I writhe in it, and it’s uncomfortable and I look at it, and I play with it and sometimes, if it’s a seemingly huge one, I think about how many lives I’ve been here on earth and how many more I will. Is death my ultimate fear? And I sit with it and suddenly after a few minutes, hours, days Etc, I ask “Is this going to be the death of me?” 99 percent it’s a “NO” and eventually I’m bored with it. I see that I would rather be outside playing, and I naturally let it go, doesn’t mean I won’t invite it in again, I will. But I believe in the power of “incremental distraction”. And that reminds me that fear is an illusion, just like the monsters under my bed when I was young. But, on the rare occasions; scuba diving with sharks, jumping off a cliff, (commitment and needles ) lol, and impending death, I make a choice to just know that when it’s time to go, the universe will decide that, and until then, this 50, 60, 80 year vacation I’m on isn’t over, there is fun to be had! What fun things will you do today…. What delicious dreams will you allow to come into your day?

  3. Betsy
    Betsy says:

    Thank you for this. I too feel I should have conquered my fears by now but alas its a constant process. And you are right we should be easier on ourselves. I was brought up in a family that felt they were helpless to have a better life and they were filled with fear and negativity. I am often drawn back into that world when my financial security is shakey or my body doesn’t work with me.

    I will be learning and praying for this part of me to still exist but not run my life.

  4. Beverly
    Beverly says:

    I read something once and wrote it down and have it hanging on my refridge. I think it came from Deepak but I cannot be sure. At any rate this is the phrase.
    Fear is only the absence of Love.
    I am reminded daily of that fact. Especially when it stares at me every time I open the refridge.

    Wishing you the best.

  5. Teri
    Teri says:

    Yes Melanie, Fear can also be a friend. Fear can warn up, protect us from oncoming danger etc. I embrace fear since it is a signal that protects – if we recognize it as such.

    The problem with fear is fear itself… hence, once fear is recognized and dealt with – it has done it’s job and we can and should release it and go on with life.


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