I looked down at what I had written on the flash paper. It was just one word.
A part of our winter solstice tradition is to write down something you want to release and burn it in the ceremony.
As I looked at the word I felt a wave of frustration wash over me.
I have been working on my fear for as long as I can remember.
I’ve burned it, buried it, thrown it in moving water, danced with it, yelled at it, drawn it and journaled about it.
I’ve talked about it, cried about it and bored countless friends with my tales of it. Numerous ceremonies have been constructed to overcome it.
I should be over it.
But there it was staring back at me.
The frustration was quickly followed by a sense of compassion. Even I could recognize how much I had been through this year. A momentary pity party broke out in my head but I reeled myself back in with a shake.
Fear has a place in our emotional palette. It can motivate and inspire us.
But I was more irritated with the fact that I felt I should have had this handled by now. When do I get to move on?
That’s right…I should have handled all my fear and moved on by now!
I am somewhat impatient with my own personal growth.
Right then something shifted in my energy. The sense of struggle fell away.
I felt a love for my fear.
We’re going to have a new relationship going forward….me and fear.
My practice is to integrate fear as one of the emotions that makes me the authentic woman I want to be. I can’t force it away and I can’t let it run my life but I can acknowledge it and use it as a power for good.