It was my last doctor’s appointment, the oncologist. I had already met with him before my surgeries so I knew what he was going to recommend. What I didn’t know was how that appointment would test me. I was 21 days past my 3rd surgery and I felt physically better than I had in a […]
I was disappointed with myself. I had not expected to lose my nerve when I saw the radiation doctor. I really wanted to be a strong, empowered woman that knows her own destiny. I’m doing the best I can. The further I got away from that doctor’s office the stronger I became. I regained control of […]
Apparently when the doctor told me that my surgery results were good my brain understood it as everything is back to normal. That however was not the case. My brain wanted to party but my body reminded me that I had experienced 3 surgeries in 22 days. The last surgery turned out to be the […]
There is a Latin phrase, “omne trium perfectum” which means everything that comes in threes is perfect. That was my mantra on the Monday morning when I went in for my 3rd lumpectomy. This was my final chance and it had to be perfect. I felt like a celebrity when I arrived at the surgery […]
From the moment I was diagnosed with breast cancer I have had a deep knowing that I am supposed to walk this path. It is significant. How can it not be? There is a lesson in this for me, a very profound lesson. I know I’m not at the end of the journey but I […]
I was rocked by the news that I needed another surgery. Even though the doctor had told me that 20 – 30% of women require a second lumpectomy and a friend had shared her experience of having two lumpectomies I never thought it would be me. I had 2 lumpectomy surgeries in 8 days. I […]
I put off calling the surgeon’s office for as long as possible. Even though I know surgery is the right path for me I still didn’t want to make the call. I found all sorts of reasons to put it off. I checked and rechecked my schedule. I moved things around and talked to my […]
My defenses were up as I sat waiting in the radiologist’s office. This is the piece I don’t feel good about. I have a list of questions and am prepared for the doctor to be shocked that I haven’t had surgery. I was determined to be stronger this time than I was when the oncologist […]
The day after I was diagnosed with breast cancer was tough. I couldn’t concentrate. Fortunately I only had one client scheduled for early that morning. I don’t know how, but I managed to get through that appointment. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to pretend that things were normal. I made […]
I sat staring at two names on a piece of paper. It is hard to believe that little black lines on a piece of white paper can create such a physical sensation in my body. They are the names of the oncologist and radiologist. I’ve been doing energy work for over 15 years. I recognize […]
I stood looking at the giant yellow envelope. It made me uneasy. It is so big that I can’t find anywhere to keep it permanently. I have to move it almost every day. It is a constant reminder of my diagnosis. It contains copies of my imperfect mammogram, biopsies and MRI. My hand shakes a […]
I’m not sick. I’m not in pain. I’m no bitchier than normal. There is only a piece of film and words on a page that say there is breast cancer in my body. I look the same. Maybe I don’t look the same. Maybe sometimes the mask slips and some worry flashes across my eyes. […]