I’m not broken

I’m not sick.

I’m not in pain.

I’m no bitchier than normal.

There is only a piece of film and words on a page that say there is breast cancer in my body.

I look the same.

Maybe I don’t look the same. Maybe sometimes the mask slips and some worry flashes across my eyes.

That’s only normal.

I’m afraid of the unknown.

But don’t be afraid of me.

While I stood looking out the waiting room window at my first appointment I knew that I would be sharing this very personal journey in a public way. The first writings flowed effortlessly.

And the love poured in.Heart of Daisies

Emails, texts, social media messages and cards came in with words of encouragement that I hadn’t realized I needed so much. It has touched me so deeply in a way that no words can express.

But then a weird thing happened. The love and concern started to backfire.

Some of my regular clients started asking if they should cancel their appointments.

One of my clients even said he was not comfortable with me working on him. “Why?” I asked. He has been a client for years. “Because you are broken”, he replied. He admitted that he had wanted to cancel his appointment but his wife wouldn’t let him. I’m grateful to her.

After reassuring him that I felt no different and I wasn’t broken he relaxed and had a great bodywork session.

This kind of health awareness has even deeper implications for a solopreneur.

I have needs.

I need the distraction. I need to feel useful. I need the income.

I’ve worked hard to build my business and be of service to my community. You’ve supported me when you didn’t know my personal struggles.

Now that you know….please keep supporting.

I’ve been honest about my challenges with receiving. I’m an independent, do-it-myself kind of woman. I don’t like to ask for help. I make up all kinds of reasons in my head why I have to go it alone.

Mostly I’m afraid of being vulnerable.

It’s almost like I’ve backed myself into this corner of constant fear. When did that happen? I have a list of crazy things I did when I was younger without ever thinking of being afraid.

On a whim I stopped on the side of the road for a crazy looking trucker who swore he only wanted to look at my map. Then on a bet I married him.

Looking back on our 32 years together I would say that act of fearlessness worked out great.

Maybe asking for help won’t be so bad after all.

 

So how can you help me?

(click to learn more)

 

3 replies
  1. Darby
    Darby says:

    You are NOT broken. Except for the one gentleman I feel the others were just concerned about you and didn’t think that at all. Your friends will continue to rally around you and support you spiritually and financially. See you in September.
    Love and hugs.

    Reply
  2. Dee Vlahos
    Dee Vlahos says:

    Dearest Melanie! Of course, you’re not broken. What a horrible thing to say – kuddo’s to his wife! I’ve developed hip issues as I’ve aged – many would consider me broken as well, seeing that I used to teach exercise classes and nowadays I’m lucky if I can get out of the car or a chair without looking like I nut as I try desperately to ‘pop’ my hip back into place while wincing in pain since I refuse to get replacements – way too invasive for me! I like to think of my issue as a ‘crack’ that needs to be healed – not broken – just a crack in the physical anatomy that makes up Dee. I believe we all get ‘cracks’ throughout our lives – things we need to address in one way or another. Remember the story of the Cracked Pot that carried water and leaked along the road only to grow the most beautiful flowers that all could see! As I limp thru my day today, I send you blessings of gratitude, appreciation, peace, health and love for all that you do to this community!

    Reply
  3. Katrina
    Katrina says:

    Hi Melanie, Thank you for sharing your journey so far. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope to meet you soon in person. ?

    Reply

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