I’m Not Sorry

I have a confession to make. I suck at meditating. I do it. But I suck at it.

You see I always want some huge revelation, a reward if you will, for settling down and meditating. I want some insight or divine guidance clearly spelled out so I can get the message and keep on moving.

Goodness knows there are a million other things I could be doing….

Seldom are there any huge revelations when I just sit and meditate. I get the physical benefits sure, but I struggle to stay in an enlightened state of mind.

My big insights seem to happen in the most mundane places, like the shower or more recently the grocery store.

I wasn’t thinking about enlightenment that day, I was just trying to figure out which coffee to buy my husband. I was standing in front of the coffee display trying to make sure I got the right one and scolding myself for being too vain to get stronger glasses so I could read the fine print.

Because I was concentrating so hard I hadn’t realized I was blocking the whole display until I saw a hand reach in front of me and confidently grab a bag of coffee off the shelf. It broke my concentration and I moved back to give her space.

That’s when it happened. She looked at me and said, “I’m sorry.”

She took her coffee and strolled off to finish her shopping, totally oblivious to the impact she had on me.

That simple “I’m sorry” stopped me in my tracks. Why was she sorry when I was the one in the way?

 

The Trap

It is called over apologizing. Saying sorry too much is a common problem among women. Saying “I’m sorry” all the time starts to sound like you are apologizing for your existence. Not only does this undermine your self-worth but it also lowers your vibration, making it more difficult to manifest your desired life.

We use the shorter version of “I’m sorry,” but the full words are I AM SORRY. My spiritual side has an uncomfortable reaction to seeing this as an I AM statement. I AM is a serious declaration. I don’t want to declare myself to be sorry all the time.

There is an appropriate time and place for saying “I’m sorry.” It is when you genuinely want to express remorse, regret or feelings of wrongdoing. Over apologizing can cause your genuine apologies to be dismissed as inauthentic because you always say you’re sorry.

 

What to Say Instead

The first thing to do is start recognizing how often you say “I’m sorry.”  I was shocked when I did this for myself. I thought I was pretty good at managing my I’m sorries but when I really started paying attention it was much worse than I thought.

It can be challenging to figure out what to say instead. “I’m sorry” is an automatic response that we often say when we aren’t really paying attention. In order to replace it with the appropriate response we must be fully present for the interaction with another person.

That day in the grocery store a more appropriate response could have been “excuse me.” (Or “Hey lady quit blocking the coffee!” But she looked too nice to say that)

I’ve found that saying “thank you” rather than a reflex action “I’m sorry” has a more positive impact and vibration.

Look at these examples:

  • “I’m sorry you have to help me.” can become “Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it.”
  • “I’m sorry I was late.” can become “Thank you for being patient and waiting for me.”
  • “I’m sorry you had to cover that meeting for me.” can become “Thank you for doing me this favor.”

Saying thank you feels stronger and more confident. It has a vibration of positivity and abundance because you are expressing gratitude instead of apologizing.

 

Change Your Habit

Substituting “thank you” for “I’m sorry” may feel weird when you first start but it’s an easy switch that can have a positive impact.

The next time you are tempted to apologize, stop and ask yourself what you are apologizing for and if a thank you would work better.


Have you tried to stop saying “I’m sorry?” We would love to know what worked for you! Tell us about it in the comments below. 

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12 replies
  1. Doris A Tillman
    Doris A Tillman says:

    Wow, Melanie, I love this one! I’ve been pretty aware of the whole “sorry” thing, but it is rarely talked about.

    Reply
  2. Sylvia Doucette
    Sylvia Doucette says:

    I had this happen years ago. The first year moving away from my parents house people pointed out that I apologized for everything. With my parents everything was always my fault so I was constantly having to apologize for my existence as you mentioned. It was a hard habit to break and also to break a family member from.

    Reply
  3. Carri
    Carri says:

    GREAT insight. Thank you so much for bringing this into the light! I AM shifting that energy as I type this! 🙂

    Reply
  4. Paula Hannasch
    Paula Hannasch says:

    Totally love this Melanie! Love it love it love it!
    I am sorry I didn’t see it sooner……just kidding……Thank you for being patient while I made my way over to the site to read it…..how’s that for immediate application?! Love it!

    Reply

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